Chicks Vs. Guitars

| Posted in , , , , | Posted on 2:23 AM

   It's 1:15 AM, and I swear I don't feel like sleeping.

   I was thinking about guitars, and about chicks. And I wondered about what I could probably want more, and guess what I came up with?

   Guitars - Once, twice, thrice, and if need be, a hundred times.

   Well, that being said I can't obviously deny the fact that I need human companionship, reciprocal of feelings, this that, that this, all sorts of bullshit. But yes, I do know that I am really not interested in dating right now, but I obviously still  would want to play a guitar.

   So, now I'll list my reasons. Guitars have:

  • Better Necks - Have you ever felt a maple neck on a guitar? I mean, seriously, HAVE YOU? And if the Fingerboard's maple too then there's obviously nothing better in this world. Think about it. A girl's neck isn't available in C,D and V shapes and isn't nearly as awesome as the one which a guitar offers. Moreover in the case of bolt-on necks, they're easily changeable if they get damaged. How would you like to change the neck on your gal?
  • Controllable Knobs - If you didn't already know, guitars come with knobs with which you can control things such as tone and volume. You even get a coil tap switch in a few guitars. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you have complete control over it, whereas that is far from the truth in case of girls. I mean, suppose she's pissed at you, and starts shouting, you can't just roll the volume knob all the way down to zero to shut her up can you?
  • Cooler Bends - This one's slightly perverted. Alright, VERY perverted. But you know it's true, right? Guitar strings are bend-able, and that might not be the case with your gal. If she's into power yoga though, it might be a totally different case.
  • Awesomer Squeals - Slightly perverted again, but this one makes more sense. If you've heard of pinched harmonics, you probably know that you can make your guitar squeal whenever you desire. Add the whammy for extra 'feel' if you want.
  • Low(er) Maintenance Cost - How much did you spend the first time you took your girl out on a date? How much did you spend on the next one? And the one that followed? And the subsequent dates which followed? Add all that up. Now, how much does a set of strings cost? Find that out and multiply it by the no. of times you've had your strings changed, and tell me, which one's higher? If you've arrived at the conclusion that maintaining a guitar is more expensive, then obviously, either you change strings every two weeks OR your gal is anorexic and doesn't like eating much.
  • No Jealousy - Since we all know the fact that our gal might feel jealous if we start talking to a bunch of other chicks, it would probably be safe to assume that it is, even if we would like to disagree, a little bit of a pain in the ass, right? I mean, she just might not realize that I love only her and I'm just having a laugh with other people of the opposite sex! That's not the same with guitars, though. You can own 200 of them and play only 20 and the others wont even do so much as to break their own strings.

   I can go on and on and on and on and on, but I think I should put in one last reason. Guitars are, and this one's undeniably true:

  • Worth Fighting For - You fight with another random guy who's into the same chick as you are, and even if you end up winning the fight, there's no absolute guarantee that she's gonna choose you over the other guy. She might start hating you for beating that guy up, or not talking to her before taking such a step, and this that, that this, all sorts of bullshit. But if you fight for a guitar, you'll know it'll never leave your side. It'll be there with you till its neck is worn out over time. And that is when you'll know it has done you good, and it should probably rest. And I speak from experience 'cause I have played a guitar that is as old as me, 15, and trust me, she still has some of the awesomeness that she had in her when she was just made. I affectionately call her Maple.


    And in case you were wondering about the sex part, [Well, silly me, of course you were wondering about the sex part!] in Slash's autobiography, he himself thought that sex was the best thing in the world, until he played guitar. And all the other guitarists' whose biographies I have read, which have not mentioned it, feel the same way, obviously.


  Disclaimer: Product Of Intense Boredom. Seriousness unintended. No offence to girls ---> You MAKE  us guys, quite literally speaking. How can we possibly consider you unworthy of us? 

  Note To Dumbasses Who Think I'm Gay: Read Disclaimer Again.

  Note To Feminists: No Chauvinism Intended. Read Disclaimer Again.

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