Cold Campfire Nights

| Posted in , , , | Posted on 8:37 PM


You used to dance around the brightly lit campfire,
Every night at half past seven,
With me peeking out of my tent,
As I strummed my guitar gently

You used to call me out, to dance around the campfire
And I used to wait with bated breath
Every night for you to do so,
And you did, much to my amusement

It wasn't just the fire, I realized pretty soon,
That made me feel so warm;
And it had very little to do with
Winter clothes or the brightly lit campfire...

We used to dance and talk, laugh and smile,
All of that before another half hour ran its course
And you went back to your tent, 
And I to my guitar

And I sigh with a heavy heart as I reminisce;
The cold winds themselves withdrew when we made merry,
But they have brought with them, today,
Memories of cold campfire nights


Nerd(y) Confessions

| Posted in , , , | Posted on 8:53 PM


Disclaimer: Fiction

Hi. I'm a nerd; that is what people call me. I don't know why though. Maybe it's because I love science more than anything in this world. And their brains can't really comprehend the existence of someone as intelligent as me. In fact, I'm a fucking genius. Most of my friends would agree. And as for the others: they won't. Because they aren't my friends and are either too jealous of me or hate me because I'm a fucking genius; and even though these may seem to be identical feelings, they aren't. Why i know this is because i often take up challenges: they make me push myself harder and I end up being a person with more knowledge; plus, i get to rip on the guy who gave me the challenge in the first place. So in one such event when I was offered a rather tempting challenge of learning a little Psychology myself, I took it. Because by then, I already knew enough Physics, Chemistry and Maths to beat a bunch of college grads; and I was only 15 years old. I’m 15 and a half now. And I’ve learnt a little bit of Psychology; enough to know that jealousy and hatred for someone better than yourself aren’t exactly the same. I also learnt how to play the trombone and am still undergoing Greek lessons, but I don’t want to talk about that. That would be like blowing my own trumpet, or tooting my own horn. As a matter of fact, I took an idiom proficiency test when I was 12 too. And I scored a 100 percent. Obviously.

So why then am I doing this? Like I said, I’ve been learning Psychology. And I’ve learnt that if you’re feeling bad or thinking too much about something, writing it down on a piece of paper helps. And that is what I’m doing now. 

There’s this girl in my class. I really like her and I guess I'm infatuated too. And she knows I am. She BLOODY well knows I am. She's too intelligent to NOT know, it's one of the reasons I started liking her in the first place. And yet, it is as if there’s nothing between us; like a mixture of gases is all that surrounds our physical selves. She knows, and yet she does nothing about it. I pine for her to acknowledge me, but she doesn’t. I wish there was a Reciprocal Theorem in life like there is in Maths. Sigh. At times while I'm in class I draw something that looks like this: |. But then I scribble it out and start focusing on whatever is being taught.

It has often occurred to me that everything I'm doing is worthless. Because I'll probably lament her loss more than I'll lament a Physics test I screwed up. But then I shrug off such repelling thoughts by nodding my head left to right ferociously; and besides, me screwing up a Physics test is as impossible as coming up with a contradiction to a Law Of Thermodynamics.

But comparing her to science is like comparing a bucket of gold to a handful of platinum that isn't in your hands. And for someone like me who prefers a handful of platinum INSIDE a bucket of gold, it's all the more saddening. But I did come to my senses eventually. and I realized that if for some girl I was willing to change what I was living for then, well, my moral integrity isn't anything better than a particle in a Bose-Einstein Condensate: I'd have lost my identity and I wouldn't know who I am anymore. Because ultimately, Science is what gives me identity; not some girl I have the hots for. Besides, gold has a higher atomic number(79) than platinum(78). And I'm a fucking genius.


P.S. I feel tons better already. This shit works!

Paper Boats [Fiction 55]

| Posted in , , , | Posted on 1:21 AM


When I was little, 
I used to make paper boats
From newspapers and torn pages

When it rained,
I used to float them down,
Small puddles and haphazard streams...
And for some silly reason,
I used to laugh when they did

And then they floated away,
Those paper boats

And I can only wonder where…


12th Fiction 55.

Freewriting #2: Pre-Show Jitters And The Having-Tried Satisfaction

| Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 1:09 AM


You should probably read this first. :)

12:34 am

So. i'm not gonna be ditching vmc. some false alarm that was. i am, apparently, having what is commonly referred to as, 'pre-show jitters' by most musicians, and that's the expression i'll choose since i consider myself one; i could've also used 'cold feet' but that just sounds retarded, mainly because everybody has cold feet in the winters. i'm a little bit of a drama queen too. and i was about to give up without having tried even. ha! how freaking stupid. if i try and then fail, i'll have what i call, 'the satisfaction of having tried' (and i guess that's what other people call it too).

Freewriting #1: Science. And Shit.

| Posted in , , , , , | Posted on 10:27 PM


9:34 pm

Turn to 34 will you, dammit? eh, free writing. first time. hope it helps. what is it with science and the Indian education system? why can’t there be people who accept the fact that not all people are meant to go to iit? there might be people who actually have interests or hobbies that they’d like to pursue or simply put, lives; there might be people who have lives. like seriously, nobody ever cares about dumb blokes who walk around without taking science and think they’re some cool shit. but it’s just sad, the fact that, in the eyes of people there isn’t really much hope for students who haven’t taken up science. why is it so bloody important to take science? i took up science because i like it, and i joined vmc because i had no fucking idea about what to do once eleventh grade begun. but now i do. i’ll keep science, i’ll ditch vmc. there are people who can study 8 hours a day, guess i’m not one of them. what the fuck, seriously?

A Celebrity

| Posted in , , | Posted on 11:47 AM


Around her we spin,
Like planets 'round the sun,
Prying for her coveted attention

She walks with ease,
Omnipresent wherever she goes;
Thoughts, places or hearts

She looks and smiles,
And we do too;
She's engraved on our fickle minds

Her features are flawed,
But we're too awed by her presence 
To notice

Black And White [Fiction 55]

| Posted in , , , , | Posted on 12:00 PM


They lie on two ends of the spectrum.
She a dazzling amalgamation of all seven colors,
While he, a loner far way from any.

Let's Hope The Next One's Better

| Posted in , , , , | Posted on 10:52 PM


   I thought what matters in life is what people do with it and not how many marks they score. Apparently, that isn't the case.
  I'm probably saying that because I got 12 on 25 in a Physics paper that I thought had went well, but it still is true. I realized it a long time ago, back in the tenth grade, but I try and keep such rebellious thoughts out of my head. I'm just another pawn in an army, anyway. Another brick in the wall.
  And the aforementioned Physics paper really was easy. It was a MATHS paper for all I care. And the thing with my maths is that, well, I'm not really good at calculations. So I messed up the paper by about 13 marks. All calculation errors. Seriously. And with our Physics teacher screaming, 'Bete! Time up ho gaya! Paper de do!' it's kind of hard to focus. You probably don't even believe me now, but that's cool; I wouldn't believe a lonely, cynical blogger if he said something like that. 
  And again, I'll try and move on, and try and focus on the 'greener side of the field' which is only greener because sunlight reaches it (that's the only possible explanation that I conjured up). But I don't understand the deal with moving on. It doesn't make sense to me, most of it. But eh, I'm still not over that one girl who refused to go out with me because I didn't give her a card with the flowers way back in the third gradeso I don't really think I have much of a scope of moving on over my very first only-Physics unit test fiasco.
   But there's one thing that has always helped me. Not so much in reality as it has psychologically, because psychological mindplay is that one cushion most people rest their heads on. Whenever something ends really badly, I sigh and whisper to myself slowly, 'Let's hope the next one's better'
  My girlfriend ends the relationship we've been in for about a year by tearing my clothes off and then threatening to bite me like a dog. And I tell myself, 'Let's hope the next one's better'
  My bus driver starts hurling abuses at some driver on the street and he shouts so much, one of his lungs bursts (like the nightingale in Frog and the Nightingale!) and then he's taken away on a stretcher. And I say to myself, 'Let's hope the next one's better'
  I'm walking on the street and the sky is making weird noises and the ground is cracking and I realize that the world is coming to an end. So I say to myself, 'Let's hope the next one's better' 
  And all of that is, of course, is preceded by a sigh.
  How much you score in a physics test doesn't really matter because, all in all, you're just another brick in the wall.
  Quite the time to get philosophical right? *evil grin*
 1 - You really think that happened!? Jesus!

The Noises Won't Stop

| Posted in , , | Posted on 11:35 PM


My ears hurt at the pitch of the tune
The equilibrium's been long broken
The voices around sure have drowned:
All I hear is the ringing in my ears

The drums beat at a nearby distance
The horns blare somewhere far away
My temple throbs, beating a violent heart
At its pace, whilst the voices scream...

Stop with the noises, stop!

I can barely hear myself think
Amidst the cacophony of the commons
They cease to stop expressing their views
And I am myself left with none...

Stop with the noises, stop!

The blood is pumping in my ears;
I can feel them turning a brighter hue,
But the assignment ahead lies yet unfinished
And I know the noises won't stop.


A First Among Many Other Firsts

| Posted in , , , , , , | Posted on 10:47 PM


   I had my first Physics Unit test today. And my first VMC class today, which also happened to be a Physics class. And I also had my first Introduction to Calculus class which, coincidentally, happens to be a part of Physics. And of maths, but that's a different thing. Our Physics teacher taught us, so I'm counting it in Physics. Like that matters anyway, it's still a bunch of weird symbols that somehow relate to changes in physical quantities.
   If I were to calculate all the time I spent learning physics or doing physics, I'd have to add up the one hour I spent attempting the unit test (which, thankfully, went okay) and the one hour distributed over two periods that I spent studying Physics in school, and then the three and a half hours I spent studying it in VMC.
   Total? Five and a half hours.
   Man, if I had a girlfriend, I'd have certainly probably given her less attention!
   When people say science students don't have lives, they're only technically wrong; otherwise though, they're spot on!
   I have, however, made a mutual agreement with my soul(which I'm supposed to have but am not really aware of) to never EVER give up writing. Or other forms of expressing myself through writing, or merely words for that matter. And so, I'll continue writing for Epigram Magazine and for this blog of mine and if any science chapter that I'm supposed to threatens to endager me or my writing, I'm going to throw my books in the dustbin. And I'm pretty sure I'll take 'em out a while later I shall still call this trivial act of mine necessary.
   Anyway, I have this article to write for Epigram. I can't even express how thankful I am to them for giving me something to work on. It seems like all I think about with Science around me is, well, pretty much Science.
   I wrote this song on my guitar a few days back. It's called Senseless Blues; because sometimes the only thing you want to do is be senseless.
   I'd written this crappy poem a few days back in a free period in class too. I guess I'll post it later. Or not.
   I want to spend about 5 hours playing guitar someday. Fuck, would I be happy then! Not much in this worlds compares to playing a clean-toned guitar when no one's around you. It's like the notes speak to me. Well, not really. But it's awesome. It feels awesome. I like who I become when I'm playing guitar, 'cuz it sure as hell ain't one lonely depressed teenager who's still gotta lotta science studying to do. Bleh.
   So, anyway, I thought I'd end with this joke I thought up a little while ago. It goes:

When you tell someone to, 'Go sleep with the fishes,' and they reply, 'I don't want to have sex with fish!' you just KNOW they haven't read The Godfather.

This is how Luca Brasi 'slept with the fishes'
   Haha. I know, right? Random!