Freewriting #2: Pre-Show Jitters And The Having-Tried Satisfaction

| Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 1:09 AM

You should probably read this first. :)

12:34 am

So. i'm not gonna be ditching vmc. some false alarm that was. i am, apparently, having what is commonly referred to as, 'pre-show jitters' by most musicians, and that's the expression i'll choose since i consider myself one; i could've also used 'cold feet' but that just sounds retarded, mainly because everybody has cold feet in the winters. i'm a little bit of a drama queen too. and i was about to give up without having tried even. ha! how freaking stupid. if i try and then fail, i'll have what i call, 'the satisfaction of having tried' (and i guess that's what other people call it too). so maybe i guess i'm not some loser dude who's good at nothing right now, but i'll get to know that for sure in six months. if i try, that is. i really want to. and besides, how big a deal is it anyway? there are like 3 million engineers every year. i can be one of 3 million, right? i guess. i hope. i'll pull it off. fucking whatever. so maybe i guess i wouldn't study for 8 hours a day. that's not even possible in my case. i'll just be content with 4. i hope that'll suffice. because if it doesn't, well then i guess i should be kicked out. and then all the doubts i had about me not being capable enough would be removed. that'll be nice. but i sure will try. like fucking anything i will. and i experienced the 'having-tried' satisfaction first hand when i went to meet my old maths tuition sir in avte and i missed him by 3 minutes, and it'd happened on last friday itself. 3 minutes! dammit! but i'd made an effort to meet him right? and there i was 3 hours back, thinking i'll ditch vmc without even trying. sigh. i'm so paradoxical.


Comments (4)

Scattered brain.

And Now. It's YOUR turn. :p

Wow. Two words for a comment. So honoured, madame! *takes a bow* :P

Anyway, thanks. Two words are probably a lot. :)

Retarded maggie, retarded :D

I know Fizzie, I know. :P