Loner

| Posted in , , , , , , , | Posted on 9:54 PM


   I've been morbid. Terribly morbid. I'm like this fucking ocean of morbidness and I'd dare you to step in; and if you do, chances are you'll drown, so I'd advice you not to.
   And oh, I feel like being a loner.   
   Why shouldn't I? There aren't many pleasures in life you get by not being a loner, none that I seem to find anyway. I know I'm sounding like a hedonist, but hey! Most people don't even know what it means, so I guess I'm safe. I'm not one, by the way. There's more to life than just pleasures. Being lonely, for example. It doesn't bring you any pleasure and it certainly keeps you away from displeasure. I like it better that way: no pleasure, no displeasure. Perfect equilibrium.
   There have been only 3 posts in June so far, this being the third. And it's the freaking 26th. I'm ashamed of myself. Not because I didn't write enough - because I did, but because I didn't take enough time out to write for my blog; and that saddens me. I have particularly intimate feelings with my blog. I don't expect anybody else to understand. My blog is like that one friend that God just refused to grant me, and so Technology did. *happy smiley*  
    I am once again doing what one my friends just didn't understand; he said my blog was becoming more like a diary of sorts, blissfully unaware of the fact that that was what it was supposed to be all this time - and was confused as to why I tended to ramble so much on it. It didn't make sense to him. So I told him something, and even though I know it wasn't exactly this, I'm pretty sure it was something like, 'Well, you just don't fucking care enough to listen without being judgmental and critical, can you?' My blog does that for me. I love my blog. I don't care if it doesn't have a fucking gazillion followers, I'd still love it. And if I am in a position worthy enough to write a blog even after 5 years - you bet your ass I'd still blog.   
    Ah, so yes, reclaiming myself from the sudden rush of emotions, I'd like to say, well, life is kind of hard now. And it's okay. It's not that anybody else I know gets spared from having a shitty hard life, so it's cool. Besides, I'm all for challenges; sadly not the ones life seems to be offering now.      
   Oh yes, in the past 2 weeks, I've listened to music for about an estimated 21 hours; and since this calculation isn't done on based on any hard facts and just mental approximation (and also because I'm a pretty good listener) - you can just presume it's a lot more than that.    And oh, oh, oh - my blog just recently got, well... recognized. I'll elaborate at the opportune moment. Let's hope it arrives soon. *tediously long smiley*
   I played my keyboard yesterday, after a really long time and for a really long time too. It feels good to know I haven't yet lost the touch that my piano teacher once found so fondly commented upon. Sigh. And yes, I went to this relative's place today - and there's this freaking awesome acoustic guitar over there. I played it till my fingers turned charcoal black. Fun. Fun. A lot of fun.
   And yes, speaking of fun - at that very relative's place I studied Trigonometry too. I had to. Life just sucks all sorts of real and metaphorical balls. Nothing I can do about that.
   But yes - it does feel plenty good to be posting something on my dearly beloved blog after eons.
   And.
   I can feel a lot more brewing inside me now - stay tuned for another ramble post. And this time, it isn't just going to be about me.


Till I find time - or let it find me unawares,


Adios

X-x-X



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