Antisocial Deadwing
| Posted in Ramblings, Rants | Posted on 1:33 AM
Hi.
So just how long has it been since I last posted a rant here? A couple of months, maybe? And considering I had only 2 posts in December '11, I'd say a rant is much more than long overdue.
Anyhoo.
I'm not in a very social mood these days. God knows why that is. I mean, I guess I really do know why that is, but I'm not in a very introspective mood either so I couldn't really care less. Whatever man, to balls with it.
There is only one person in this world that I want to talk to right now; and I'm not even sure if I really want. And as happy and sad as I am to say that this feeling will pass in the nearest one to 24 months, I couldn't be more bothered right now. I'm drawing the line too - and subsequently stepping back from it. That's why I need this time alone. And oh God is this hard. But it's the 'I'll get through it' kind of hard. So fuck yeah, I'll get through it.
You know how there are moments when you just... break? Not on all levels, but just one - the only one level that you thought would never really bother you. I mean, heck, I've never been a strong person, possibly would never be as strong as I hope to be someday, but there are just times that I can't help myself. And then there are so many of these times that it's just downright unnerving.
Did I ever mention I have masochistic tendencies? It's not all blades and blood all the time, but still. Yeah. Mildly masochistic ones.
The fact that I'm antisocial makes up one half of this rant's title; the other half is a reference to a Porcupine Tree album. I've recently started listening to their albums, not just the singles. Deadwing is a fucking brilliant album, and a song too. I personally love the first four songs(and the seventh one), others I'm yet to get a hang of. I have a few their other albums too, I've heard bits of them and they have crazy awesome songs. I'll be done within the next week, trust me.
There was this bit from the song Lazarus, which I think if it wasn't included in the song I probably wouldn't have liked it so much...
So just how long has it been since I last posted a rant here? A couple of months, maybe? And considering I had only 2 posts in December '11, I'd say a rant is much more than long overdue.
Anyhoo.
I'm not in a very social mood these days. God knows why that is. I mean, I guess I really do know why that is, but I'm not in a very introspective mood either so I couldn't really care less. Whatever man, to balls with it.
There is only one person in this world that I want to talk to right now; and I'm not even sure if I really want. And as happy and sad as I am to say that this feeling will pass in the nearest one to 24 months, I couldn't be more bothered right now. I'm drawing the line too - and subsequently stepping back from it. That's why I need this time alone. And oh God is this hard. But it's the 'I'll get through it' kind of hard. So fuck yeah, I'll get through it.
You know how there are moments when you just... break? Not on all levels, but just one - the only one level that you thought would never really bother you. I mean, heck, I've never been a strong person, possibly would never be as strong as I hope to be someday, but there are just times that I can't help myself. And then there are so many of these times that it's just downright unnerving.
Did I ever mention I have masochistic tendencies? It's not all blades and blood all the time, but still. Yeah. Mildly masochistic ones.
The fact that I'm antisocial makes up one half of this rant's title; the other half is a reference to a Porcupine Tree album. I've recently started listening to their albums, not just the singles. Deadwing is a fucking brilliant album, and a song too. I personally love the first four songs(and the seventh one), others I'm yet to get a hang of. I have a few their other albums too, I've heard bits of them and they have crazy awesome songs. I'll be done within the next week, trust me.
There was this bit from the song Lazarus, which I think if it wasn't included in the song I probably wouldn't have liked it so much...
My David, don't you worry,
This cold world is not for you.
So rest your head upon me,
I have the strength to carry you.
So, yeah. It's kind of an awesome song. You should check it out.
Where was I?
Oh. Yeah. Sometimes I don't understand why people need so much of false reassurances from things which aren't even real. Why can't some people just give up their act? It's fucking frustrating on so many levels. I seem to mind it even if it doesn't affect me. WHY? For fucking Christ's sake, WHY?! And why do I even interfere even if it's just with my thoughts?
God. So many things I waste time on.
Blogging's not one of them. 8)
Well, at least I should be happy there are people who look out for me; and want me to snap out of these weird phases I have. How many, though? Three? Two? Fine by me, man.
You know, come to think of it, I do have a really great bunch of friends. And with my guy friends, I don't talk about stealing their crushes because they stole mine or whatever. And with my female friends, I don't go flirting around. Life's great when you have friends like that, you know? You just need to realize which one's which.
And for those that go nowhere, don't waste your time on them because you sure as hell are going to get nothing back but another full serving of bullshit - possibly diluted, or maybe even not. But always, give it time. A little bit. Who knows, maybe it's not a good time only?
Ohkaaaaay. So, yeah. That being said, I have an English unit test tomorrow I'm not fully prepared for, grammatically - yeah, clauses; I didn't attend a single class this year for crying out loud, how'm I supposed to know? ($_$)
Anyway, I think it's high time I realize I don't have time for anybody's bullshit except mine.
Haaaah.
Preachy much, huh? Assface.
And here, three songs to finish off this ramble (you'll have to hunt Lazarus on your own, you lazyfucks.)
X-x-X
So, yeah, wish me luck for tomorrow! ^_^
(On a side note, might just have schizophrenia too. Sad.)
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